Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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