You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
