dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
