Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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