1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
