My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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