I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
