it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
