His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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