I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Randomize
