he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
