I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
