I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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