you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
