just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
