We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
