Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She told me I should be a condom model.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
