shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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