I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
