Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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