How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
