Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
