oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
