Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
