I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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