I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
