And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
