spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
