Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
they need to just BURY HIM!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
