The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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