I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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