And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
