i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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