I just made out with a guy for $7.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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