If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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