Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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