Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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