I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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