Me. At least after what I've been through.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
