38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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