You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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