allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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