The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You're a waste of cheezeits
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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