Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Randomize
