I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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