WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
it was like eating out sand paper
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
