I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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