i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
