So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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