I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
