opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
