Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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