My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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