The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
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