Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Panties = found
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
